Radio Da-Da

In a nod to the surrealist game, The Exquisite Corpse, I propose a new game called The News Exquisite Corpse. This game is played by finding 3 headlines from a news source and linking them together to form a story. Today's offering (courtesy yahoo news):
Masturbation may prevent prostate cancer -I am the anti-cancer, then.
Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic hits capital -Maybe they want some extra cancer medicine.
Alien life may well exist in a primitive form somewhere in our corner of the galaxy, famed astrophysicist Stephen Hawking said Monday. - I don't think they will have to look that far (Congo).