Tuesday, April 25, 2006

And the Rockets Red Glare...

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Who rocks the party that rocks the party?

So it was time for the monthly party. The bar was jammin'. Is this what it sounds like when doves cry?

No one got hurt. The spirit of rock 'n roll raged on. I'd call it a success.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

I used to only read them for the naked tribal ladies

Apparently the folks over at National Geographic
have been busy with more than just making " When Great White Sharks Attack" documentaries. They have uncovered a 1700 year old Bible originally written by Judas Iscariot, the original Benedict Arnold, who sold Jesus out for a little bit a gold and a pager. That is, until Judas alleged in his tell-all autobiography that JC asked him to do it. Supposedly, Jesus wanted martyrdom or as the Gnostics put it a separation of the spirit from the flesh. I'm sorry Judas that "but, I thought that's what he wanted" excuse got a little played out in the third grade. I'm betting this one only gets to open as a Broadway play for "Wicked".

Also, the "missing link" between modern man and Homo Erectus was found in the African desert. This little guy kicked it around 250,000 years ago and was just beginning to use tools and his brain reflected it. I can't imagine how they found this little ass thing in the big ass desert. Well, if he was so smart he wouldn't have died. Besides, I ain't no Homo.
A couple weeks ago there was this gnarly dust that was all over the place in Seoul. It comes from China, where many miles of farmland is turning into dust every year due to unsustainable agriculture practices. It blew me away that the dust made it this far into Korea until reading that 5 years ago it made it all the way to the U.S.A. where people could see it in Denver. Well, what's under all that dust China? Can you see all the way to America? Many people wear a facemask to protect from the dust, but if they just put a giant facemask over the dusty areas we would be all set. Seriously, if 20,000,000 people are wearing a mask everyday that yellow dust comes creeping take that 20,000,000 square feet of dust mask (give or take due to ease of calculation) and make a giant mask that covers the 900 square miles of new dust land every year. And then people wouldn't have to buy the masks anymore. Wait, who's manufacturing those masks?

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Shaman feel the noize

Pray to the gods of rock...

Somehow these old walls worked. The 12 foot high barrier kept out confounded invading armies.
Which way is up? "Monk Rock" supposedly looks like a monk, but if you play it backwards it tells you the secrets of the Freemasons.

The city is actually no bigger than my

head. "I am Godzilla!" Mad Mike got a little head from some pig.

Monday, April 03, 2006

All Things Reconsidered

Did any of you catch that NPR show last night? Here it is excerpted:
"...And now for something a little more organic. In the remote forrests of Belarus there is a controversy brewing in the normally quiet remote village town of Kyurkstyck known more for its annual throat singing contest. It seems the warbling woodpecker finch has been pecking away at the unity of this small town and has the people divided on an issue due to appear on an upcoming referendum. For more we turn to Tom Maltzie, who has been in Kyurkstyck following the story of The Woodpecker That Just Wouldn't Laugh Hysterically. Tom...
...Thanks Kurt. Here in Kyurkstyck life normally moves in predictable patterns. There are those that work in the fields in the dairy industry. There are also those that work in the cheese factories. Still another segment tends the quaint shops and inns that provide a wide variety of some of the area's finest Cheddars and Fromundahs. As one local man, churner Johahnn Smyeyeth puts it, "I got cheese coming out of places I didn't even know I had holes..." But all is not well-aged when it comes to the issue of the warbling woodpecker finch. (Cut to the stacatto rhythmic sounds of the woodpecker finch pecking at wood) It seems this normally innocuos little creature has been causing quite a stir in Kyurkstyck. "The little bastard just don't quit with the buttabuttabuttabutta...buttabuttabutta...buttabu," says Smyeyeth. And it's got local residents split more than the mighty oaks the woodpecker finch calls home. "I think it is a nice pleasing sound," says Johahnn's wife, Jayayhn Smith. "Kind of like a drum corps." Life at the Smyeth household has not been easy these days. The house has been divided-literally. Johahnn has put a strip down the center of the house to protest the difference of opinion. Jayayhn is not conceding anything. "Perhaps if he talked to me more than to say 'Why don't they put a 'right' and 'left' on socks? Then you wouldn't end up with the small toe part cramping your big toe,' then I wouldn't look to the constant relentless drone of the woodpecker." The Smyeth's are not the only ones who can't see eye to eye. Kyurkstyck has an upcoming vote to decide if the woodpecker finch has pecked away at the last nerves of a town more accustomed to the sound of nightly T.V. programs. At stake is whether or not to release the natural predator of the warbling woodpecker finch- the warbling woodpecker finch vulture hawk. As natural biologist Mikkyel Jeeyohnnes describes, the warbling woodpecker finch vulture hawk would in effect eradicate the noisy bird. (Breathy tones with rising intonation on nearly every sentence) "The warbling woodpecker finch vulture hawk is a fierce predator. The skill and acumen possessed by the beast is truly a marvelous spectacle. The dexterity and stamina of the birds is unparalleled in the woodpecker predator phyllum. The way its muscles ripple and flex as the sun highlights the chestnut brown feathers is a thing of beauty. It would not be an overstatment to say that the woodpecker finch colony would be eradicated in a short time. I personally would marvel at the cycle of nature of predator stalking prey as it unfolds in its splendor. It truly would be magnificent." But of course, not everyone agrees with this solution. "Jayheehyn of the Jungle" Jayheehyn Johannsonson has been cultivating a symbiotic relationship with nature in a stump burrow in the middle of the Kyurkstyk forrest. There she sustains on a diet of squirrel droppings and fallen leaves, while "being at one" with the environment. "I don't think we should be intruding on Mother Nature. I believe the ecosystem to be a fragile egg to hold and cherish and not to cook with a bigger egg. That is why I have invented the "broom tail". It is a white willow asp broom attached to the back of my belt. That way wherever I walk my footprints are swept away. No trace."
The Kontroversy in Kyurkstyk, as it has come to be known, has received much attention and has come to represent much broader issues of man versus natural rights. Frequent NPR contributor Vladimir Stealyurface has even written a new book on the subject. "For me it was important to capture a moment in the history of man's relationship with the environment. That we are but bit players in a bigger game. And that is why I wrote my new book, The Pecking Incident. It looks at the issue within the framework of a 5 part play that is underscored with classical opera sognettes within a mideival Franco-Gregorian context."
Whichever way this drama in a small Belarusan town unfolds it is clear that the sound of buttabuttabuttabutta-buttabuttabutta-buttabuttabutta will resound for some time...(fade into a old time flamenco guitar player)