Friday, June 30, 2006


These guys need to chill the fuck out. No one cares if you've got the smallest GPS video phones in the world. Smoke some reef and watch Godzilla. Video

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

My Guitar Wants to Kill your Mama

What's up fellow shredders? Anyone want to come over for a jam session? Yeah, I'm rockin a guitar these days. Props to Robbie for the bequeathment. I've learned a few chords and am about to have The Gambler on lockdown. It even feels a little weird typing this as my fingertips are a little sore. But it is a small price to pay to thrash!

Sunday, June 25, 2006


Australian Al, Tall Jordan, Mad Mike, and BigB went bungee jumping this weekend. We live for the thrill, riding the rush that comes on and takes over. It was gnarly to the max braugh. The place was at a nice park outside of Seoul. The height was 148 feet or 45 meters for those of you that don't parlez vois the Ingles. We wanted to all go by ankles because hey we're intense. After an elevator ride that didn't stop you get up to the top and it looks pretty high. When you get to the edge and they yell 3,2,1 bungee it seems to go against every instinct of self-preservation. But, I grab my balls, throw up my metal, yell rock n' roll and take the plunge. The feeling is one of falling for a long time. Then for some reason, I think it was because of the new rope they got out for the big boys I spun like 30 times- just like a yo-yo you unwind when it gets twisted. It was a little sickening. My eyes were pretty red from the blood rushing to my melon. Australian Al actually dipped into the water about halfway down his torso. We were all stoked and went and slammed some Mountain Dews afterward.

From Wikipedia, about the first bungee divers- the vine divers of the N'gol.
The ritual of the N'gol is an extraordinary event, with real risk to life and limb that bears no more resemblance to bungee jumping than abseiling down a sixty foot (20 m) cliff does to catching a lift down a six story building.
According to local legend it began centuries ago when a beaten woman ran away from her husband, Tamale. He found her hiding in a tall tree and called to her that if she came down he might beat her. However if he had to get her she would be sorry. She refused. He climbed the tree and as he made his final grab, she leaped. In anguish at her death (or anger that he had missed her) Tamale jumped after her, not realising his wife had tied liana vines around her ankles and survived the fall. Tamale perished.
The highest commercial bungee jump, according to the Guinness Book of Records, is off of the Bloukrans River Bridge, 40km east of Plettenberg Bay in South Africa. The jump takes place from a platform below the roadway of the bridge, and the height from the platform to the valley floor is a terrifying 216m (708 feet). One higher commercial jump took place from Colorado's Royal Gorge Bridge, in conjunction with the 2005 Go Fast Games. The height of the platform was 321m (1053 feet). However, this opportunity lasted for only three days, and it is unclear if it will be repeated in future games.

Let the guy smoke

Apparently this monkey in China has been hooked on cigs. He learned from watching others do it. People threw him smokes. He has tried to get off the tobacky with sunflower seeds or the occassional bottle of beer. Now, if he could just pay attention to how the handlers open the cage.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Rain Go Away

If you want to see more pictures and other redneck memorabilia such as the redneck deer hunter, redneck hot water, or the redneck palm pilot go to Alabama- or click here.

Nice weekend had here. Saturday it was on for doing some BBQin with the boys on the banks of the mighty Han. Got together Dirty Dave, Australian Al, and Tall Jordan. We all meet up, grab some beers, search around for ice, go to the meat market and get some meat and charcoal, go around the site a couple times in a taxi, figure out how to rent a grill, figure out where our site is, buy the rest of the accessories that the grill doesn't come with (apparantly the metal grill rack that the food rests on is an optional item for an additional charge), fiddle around with the coals, have some good samaritan come over and start the fire for us with his blowtorch (it only caught because I got them hot), and let the coals get hot. As this beautiful plan is fully coming into fruition the clouds gather overhead and the first drops of rain fall. Other less intrepid meat scorchers go for shelter. But the barbarians stay, determined to build a fire to outlast the rain. Perhaps the heat from the inferno dissipates the gathering moisture, perhaps God smiled down on his little carnivores that day, perhaps it was a passing drizzle that the wind sent on its way, but the sun popped out, we scarfed some mightily righteous burgers and ribs, listened to a drum festival and bbq'ed like the champions we are.
Been peeping all sorts of Ali G and Borat material. Borat kills when he sings the Kazakhstan national anthem for like 8 minutes at a baseball game. He basically out Yakov Smirnoff's Yakov Smirnoff. What a country!

Friday, June 16, 2006

Have you ever seen them in a photograph together?

The agent known only as Operative Sook has uncovered yet another case of multiple identity. This doppelganger was discovered when Operative Sook looked at another Agent's James Brown shirt and in code known only to a few select encrypter's said, "Why you have Oprah on shirt?" Investigative work on Cyberdiarrhea's part has uncovered the motivation behind this unlikely switch. It seems that both parties- one the Godfather of Soul- penner of "It's a Man's World", and the other the commandant general of the housewife armada, to appropriately convey their extreme gender perspective needs to understand the point of view of the other. It is like yin and yang, peanut butter and jelly, and Oprah and James.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Shit fire, save the matches

Perhaps it was a good thing I could not find a lighter for the firecracker up my butt.
My Pollacks lost to Ecuador in soccer. And now in honor of World Cup my Top 10 Reasons Why Soccer is Gay...
1. Soccer mullets
2. Offsides
3. The way the players put their hands up and give that "what?" look when called for a foul
4. The way they try to draw fouls by pretending to fall
5. How they roll around on the ground after these falls like they are in agony
6. How serious everyone takes this shit
7. Hooligans
8. Ambiguous time limits prevent last ditch hurrah's
9. The way they plead after yellow cards
10. Ties
I guess now that I think about it replace mullets with afros and hooligans with whiggers and that is why basketball is getting sucky these days.

Why did Barbie dump Ken?

Because Ken comes in his own box.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

I'll vote for the sassy gay one

Cats will be the star in a new reality T.V. show. 10 cats will live in a house. They will compete for best purr, top post climber, and most popular. Word is Flavor Flav called to see how he could get a piece of that action.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Sit on my thumbs up

I know I haven't holla'ed at yah in awhile, but I've got a good excuse- I've been really fucking lazy. Like feeling the settling of geologic plates lazy. Sometimes, like all the time, you just got to go with it. Let me illustrate some of my true and tried time saving devices- today instead of walking down to the store for more toilet paper I was able to utilize the 4 squares of t.p. left by splitting the double ply into single and further dividing it by half. Time saved: 6 minutes plus 2 minutes digging through my change bottle; instead of tying and untying your shoes simply tuck your laces into the foot area- especially helpful because I like to let my dogs out of the kennel while at my desk at work. Time saved: 10 minutes throughout the day; we all like mac and cheese right? How about just mac? You're an important man, just dump some hot sauce on it and it tastes all the same; or instead of mixing together the tuna fish and mayonnaise just spread some mayonnaise on the bread (+ 30 seconds if you don't actually "spread" and instead just smush the sandwich together) and dump the can in between. Time saved: 4 minutes for lunch, 5 minutes for dinner. O.K. that means I had an extra 27 minutes today. Which gives me just enough time to drop some cinematic critique in your general vicinity.
Summer blockbusters are as much of a tradition as the ice cream man and peeing in the community pool. I've been busy scouring the movie scene lately so that you too can save your time and avoid any potential "Poseidons". O.K. this review has commenced with the only movie I actually saw at the movies and the only one close to being a summer movie (in Korea summer starts at the beginning of June). This movie sunk like the ship the movie was named after. The premise of this movie centered around a boat that got knocked over by a big wave and then some of the smarter passengers try to get off the boat and... well that's actually the whole plot. I was rooting for the ocean and wish a big wave would have took me down so I wouldn't have to sit through any more of this stinker. Thankfully the sweet nothingness of sleep engulfed me halfway through. D- (not an F only because I had a good nap). Matt Dillon's brother plays a sleazy gambler to the hilt, although exits a bit early, and Matt Dillon is in...
Factotum- as a Charles Bukowski character, a man that lived a poem out. I don't find any glory in wasting away to the bottle, and this movie had a lot of drinking. Shit, I could do that myself. Nice little monologue at the end that was a Bukowski poem about raging against the day. Again no story, but perhaps the idea of finding meaning and dignity in everyday moments was the meaning of the movie. There, I just said it in 10 seconds. Grade: C
Lord of War- A decent little romp that I think I have seen before and I think was called "Scarface". I did like how the Nicholas Cage character was unapologetic even up to the end. No The opening bullet from bulk metal to brain accessory was very tricky. I would have liked to have learned about how he gets to be in the CIA's pocket a little bit more. Supposedly based on a true character, except the real life Yuri is an ex-KGB agent. Again the story of a man going from nothing to big shot is a premise not a story. We need something more to intrigue us. Grade: C. Ethan Hawke plays a good edgy little ATF agent. He also is one of the cops in...
Assault on Precinct 13. The idea is a bad guy (why Laurence Fishbourne always got to be so "in control" in all his roles and staring like he will make you levitate and shit) will get whacked by some dirty cops for crossing them. Again the movie revolves around this idea and does not really progress with any "story". Attempts at breaching the Precinct are made and (so as not to spoil it) may or may not be diverted. Unholy allegiances are formed. I like how the Fishbourne character and Hawke don't become like good friends and end up going over to each other's house for football games by the end. Grade: C. This movie takes place in a snowy Detroit (is the Dirty D poised to become the next Hollywood?), which is the setting for...
4 Brothers- A whigged out Marky Mark leads his no-account brothers on a quest to solve his mama's murder. Everyone is quickly painted into their character- by a voice over police briefing during a stakeout- have you no self-consciousness, Hollywood screenwriters? The New Kids on the... I mean 4 brothers, go around roughing up the town until the final "duel". Grade C A little plot twist in the middle throws them off and helps the movie to make it a bit more interesting. But, you want an entertaining movie? Put Marky Mark into real-life downtown Detroit with a sign saying "I Hate Niggers" ala Die Hard. Which is a word (nigger, not Die Hard) that Sarah Silverman has no qualms in dropping in...
Jesus is Magic- A pretty raunchy little bit of stand-up with music vignettes interspersed that is pretty damn funny. Silverman has no problems ripping on everyone, including herself (but just a little), so that makes it o.k. I can't believe she said that if blacks were in Germany during the Holocaust there would have been no Holocaust... at least for the Jews. She also rips on tards (they can do anything), which is the subject matter for... (oh yeah A- for Jesus)
The Ringer- I like that they don't coddle the tards. I also like that they give each tard different personality traits- like in Revenge of the Nerds when they differentiate the Geeks, Spazzes, and Dorks. Points for the Glenn Chervin character (Glenn fucking Chervin), the dude who always looks like he would rip a fart just to watch you squirm. Pretty funny. Grade: B. I would like to see Denzel Washington in a role like this. Something to just break out of character (props to Bobby DeNiro for not taking himself too seriously), but instead he's busy being self-assured in...
The Inside Man- Great story. Nice flashback from the end. Good characters. Great twists. Spike keeps the righteous black man shit toned down. (Focus). Grade: A.
Alright, if we've learned anything it's to spend your money on story Hollywood. I'm off to try to bisect the one-ply. Peazy.