Thursday, March 30, 2006


In my zeal for all those things liminal and bizarre, I was scouring the unobtrusive shopfronts of a nondescript section of Seoul looking for something that might avail itself to me with its uniqueness. Many dusty windows of random assortments of gifts, novelties, and bric-a-brac ware greeted and faded into background context. A decent spring day that held promise of shorts and t-shirts in the not too distant future ensured that a fruitless search would not be an altogether wasted day. Turning my attention to my hunger and what to do about it I began to lear about testing out different restaurant signs and their specialties in my mind's gut. As I weighed the possibilities of dinner, I saw through a small storefront window a book with gold trim that caught my eye. The store itself was non-committal in its purpose. It seemed to have whatever the owner acquired that someone might see and bring a commensurate small profit to the shopkeeper. Stopping and bringing my eyes closer to look at the book, I saw what caught my eye. The title page was written in a gold flaked script of what looked to be Arabic. The sweeping round flourishes stood out from the more direct cuts and angles of Korean. The book also had gained a dignity with its obvious old age. Having stood up to many years and reads indicated it was originally highly thought of enough to be constructed of some substantial material. Interested I entered the shop gave the owner a nod and checked out the book. I was glad to see when I picked up the weighty tome that the words inside were English. "The Necronomicon by Abdul Alhazred" was written on the title page with a flowery but scholarly font. I was excited at this book I held in my hands. If the title was accurate as to what I understood it to indicate, I was 1. holding a book originally about 500 years old, 2. also very rare, and 3. thought to contain either a definitive treaty on black magic or the ramblings of a madman depending on who you asked and their level of openness. Flipping through a few of the pages I saw that the subject matter did seem to pertain to some speculation on treatises of arcane manipulation. I couldn't imagine why this seemingly valuable book would be in my hands being flipped through in this haphazard shop. Perhaps it was one of those "Timeless Classic" reprints or perhaps the owner didn't know the value of what should be a very expensive book. That the subject matter seemed worthy of perusal did nothing to disway me so I brought my find to the bench that had been converted into a counter. The owner, who had been minding the shop while tinkering with some electronic figurine gizmo, assayed my prospect with the business eye of one who sees a lot of different items go through his hands and who has some knowledge of most everything. We settled on the right price and I had him find a bag to put my score in. I headed back out into the evening at that sparse time when most people are eating dinner, but people going out haven't left yet. I thought about what might be divined from these pontifications from a different time and headed back to the crib...

Monday, March 27, 2006

I'll give it one finger up

Saw the Johnny Cash flick Walk the Line last night. It wasn't bad. Reese Witherspoon certainly turned in a good performance, avoiding playing into that single mother "I will survive" determination. But, I was pretty fed up with Joaquin Phoenix and his tortured retard expressions by the credits. Take care of that last brain cell bud. Also, I think they could have glamorized the drug abuse some more. People don't get that far into it when it's that sucky. Some good music, a pretty raucous Folsom Prison scene, and Jerry Lee Lewis make sure I won't be demanding my money back.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Riddle me this

"Taylor is also accused of harboring al-Qaida suicide bombers who attacked U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania in 1998." (taken from Dellmyway news site). What's wrong with this sentence? Where did they bury the survivors?
Riddle: People say if you dream of dying you will die. Why is this not true?
Answer: If you die, how can you tell someone what you were dreaming.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Father, Son, Holy Ghost- Let's See Who Can Eat the Most

Alright my peeps, settle down. It was a busy weekend, but you know I'll hook you up. Saturday we went to Carne Station, an all you can eat all you can drink cafeteria. We were there for 4 hours. Believe me that I got my money's worth. When they were closing we got the chant, "Hell no, we won't go" going. During this commotion "someone" got ahold of the microphone connected to the house loudspeakers and announced, "Brian is the number 1 eater at Carne Station." So, it is official. I do believe I'm ready to take on the "Tsunami", shown at left. Actually this was from a pretty funny article that talked about "controversy" that surrounded this contest. Apparently during this eating contest the Tsunami ate 50 1/2 hot dogs, breaking his world record. However, people accused him of a "roman method incident" (puking) with the hot dogs. If a man can heave and it still ends up down the gullet that's a W in my book. They also accused him of taking drugs (muscle relaxers) before the contest. Whatever, the guy gains 7 pounds during the 10 minute contest and still kicked the big boy on the right's big butt. The Tsunami joins other famed eaters such as Cool Hand Luke, LardAss, Andre the Giant and this chap: Mike "The Vulture". A venerable gurgitator he is often known to throw an entire leg of meat into his mouth only to show the bone only to then eat the bone.

A mountain was climbed

the next day.

We tried not to fall off.

EXTREME mountain climbing.

Ninja skills are for more than just killing.

Seoul is a big goddamn city.

With a view like this I'd almost join the temple.

After a mountain climb, a mountain of food.

Actually it was a blast. We played badmitton, hula hooped, climbed a mountain, ate a righteous meal, went to an arcade, went bowling, and went to sing karoake all on Sunday. It was like being on a cruise- which I guess life is.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


Sure this is a decent read, but have you ever read Exposed, now able to be clicked on.

Get yer soapbox

Alright peeps. I didn't know the comment ability was only limited to registered users before, so I changed it so anyone could put in their two cents. Just so we can get some juices flowing and the comments rolling: crippled retarded faggot nigger. Holla!

Monday, March 13, 2006

March madness baby

Tourney time,
Michigan State has their work cut out for them to repeat the high flying theatrics of last year.

A recent disappointing loss to Iowa has not helped. If I was Izzo I would get the boys 1. running some laps
2. to regroup 3. for Izzo my nizzo

4. and tell them to knock the shit out of those bloated ACC cocksuckers.

Saturday, March 11, 2006


Good jam Friday. I didn't even have to use my AK. Takin it back to the old school cause I'm an old fool. Funny story: I wanted to get some BB's for my gun so we could bust some gats, however the store with BB's was closed by the time I got there. I was eating some food with Mike and saying how I wished I had some BB's, but oh well. We leave the restaurant and what do I see on the ground? 10 BB's scattered about. God wanted me to shoot people. Today climb Bukhansan Mountain. Why? Because it's there.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Get ya freak on

I know you already know, but just to say it again: party this Friday at the Chugalay Bar at B's. Time: Party time B.Y.O.B (Bring Yo Own Bad self).

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

I make D'oh, but don't call me D'oh boy

Armed with all of the episodes of the Simpsons past season 9 I am well on my way to having seen every one of the Simpsons episodes (I got 1-8 locked down). There have been some great moments, too many to list. Also, as Matt Groening revealed, Michael Jackson

did indeed supply the voice of the fat bald man in the insane asylum who thought he was Michael Jackson. Keep your freak flag flying MJ. You got to be on some way out shit to craft the catchiest pop tunes this side of Neil Diamond.
Anyway, in some great occurrence of cosmic alignment of our collective unconscious imperative, or that Homer and I eat a lot of hot dogs, as I sat down to watch an episode of the Simpsons while eating my dinner- a gourmet finely crafted hot dog, Homer was also at the Quickie mart eating a hot dog. That he said it was missing the pig anus taste he loved did nothing for my dinner, but Homer did become an inventor that episode. So refusing to let this time- space zeitgeist be chalked up to mere coincidence, I decided I needed to invent something. The best I came up with was a 2-in-1 shampoo conditioner travel bottle. You can put the shampoo in one end and the conditioner in the other. 2 products one bottle. Patent pending muthuhfucka.

So I was looking at a tube of Clinx toothpaste I got the other day and the tagline read "Anti-Calculus". I don't know if they meant anti-gingivitis or anti-plaque or if they hate math, but I think NoJive English Consultation is looking at a potential customer.
I also saw a post on 2080 toothpaste:
"2080? I don't trust that stuff anymore, after looking really closely on the package one day. Here's what the 2080 means: 당사의 축적된 노하우를 바탕으로 20개의 건강한 치아를 80세까지 보존하자는 치아의 VISION을 실현하기 위해 개발한 제품 입니다. Loose translation: Using our company's expertise, we developed a product that keeps twenty (20) healthy teeth until the age of eighty (80). Twenty teeth?!!?!"

Friday, March 03, 2006

Permanent Friday

Friday rules. Vast vestiges of unrealized possibilty lies stretched ahead unfettered of limitations, a refrigerator after going grocery shopping, the opening credits of a movie. The world is but a globe for you to spin and put your finger on. I am the sun burning so bright you can't see the stars around me. An avalanche teetering on a corpuscle named quitting time at work. Go out and hoist a Miller for all the working men and women grindin through another 40 with Monday just a fairy tale. I was so geeked up I didn't even end up doing anything. Here's to my American bro's and sis's coming up on a sweet Friday. It's all good.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

World Domination

Played the game Axis and Allies
at the game room last night with Michael, Jordan, and until she got bored
Becky. I was the Nazi's and I almost had the world. The blietzgreig
rolled in like a German sausage into a fat man. Moscow was within sight.
My problem: just like Hitler and Napoleon before him- the Russian winter.
(That my Japanese comrades were busy dicking around with Hawaii didn't
help either). Mad Mike's Operation Human Fodder strategy was ruthlessly
effective. (5% of the world's population went down in WWII). So remember kiddies- when dealing in matters of world conquest don't spread yourself thin and never underestimate the Russian winters.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

God wants you to get high

Proof that the big man wants you to partake of his delectables: Remember 1. God don't make no mistakes, and 2. Bible pages roll up great joints.