Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Get along lil' dawggies

A fellow teacher(last name Price) needed help trying to translate this note from a student:
"How are you Professor the Price.. As all student studying abroad Park gun does. Tuesday affection core 12:00 {Room3) professor study listens to. before does not participate to the last week study from former China not to be able, it does not submit homework. I homework certainly at the next hour and in order to submit.
Name : park gun"
Here was the interpretation suggested by another teacher:
Well hello there old chap! The Priceman! The Prof!As you may know old boy, many of my esteemed colleagues do tend to go overseas for a jaunt now andthen and as luck would have, well, so did yours truely, by Jove! As a result I have yet to be entertained by the healthy banter of your studies in room 3 due to the fact that I was in bloody China ofall bleeding places! I have heard since my return that there was some very interesting work being done that I was not privy to and I have written you this correspondence to let you know that I am dead keen on contributing to this worthy enterprise come the next schedueled time of our encounter. The Park. The Gun. The Park Gun Man."The crane flies at midnight" wink^^ wink^^

Monday, March 26, 2007

The Good, The Good, The Good


More multi-media recommendations from your favorite arbiters of good times here at cyberdiarrhea. I've been on a downloading spree lately acquiring some good music, video, books. Also this month I am recommending a good website. Note that all of these are recommendations as I try not to get involved with any sucky stuff. I just watched an episode of this and am the most geeked up about:
Video-Full Metal Alchemist- This is a Japanese animation show about a couple of brothers using alchemy to try to bring their dead mother back. That's the basic premise. It is in a continuous episode format that is rather addictive. The storylines are good with a good balance of enough happening each episode and enough adding to the story to keep it from being a cocktease or choppy. The animation is killer. Obviously caricatured, but not to absurd proportions as in some modern comics. It is Japanese so of course there is going to be a bit of: annoying squealing, but not to piggish; frozen characters with the background spinning/moving behind them- done with enough variety so as to be interesting; mistranslated subtitles- mostly natural sounding, but with the occassional electronic translator too-direct phrasing. It if fun like a kid's cartoon, but then some dudes brains get blown out the back of his head.
Book-Europe in the Modern Age (Audio book)- This is one of the first audio books I have listened to and I wasn't sure if I could pay attention to someone reading a book to me. But, it has been great on the ol' ipod especially on the way to/ home from work that is just long enough for one of the lectures. It is expansive (15 CD's), but it gives a comprehensive overview of modern Europe that links many of the historical incidents in contextual terms. It is interesting that when I think of Europe I think of old history, but the actual nation states of Europe are a fairly recent phenomenon. The contrivance of which partially led to the increase in national-unity sentiment that played out in the early 20th century. Also, I can now make the case that the Ethiopians possibly won WWII back in the late 19th century. As European nations sought to colonize African nations (an increase from 10-90% of Africa being controlled by Europe within 20 years), Italy invaded Ethiopia. With a larger and well-equipped force Ethiopia took it to the Italians and CASTRATED the prisoners of war. This led to much of Italy's preoccupation with Ethiopia in WWII which distracted Italy from much of the fight in Europe. Try to find the free porn sites on the web and you're led through an endless maze that starts with a lot of hype and ends with demands for credit card numbers. This site reviews some good and unusual porn sites and gives you the lowdown on which ones have some free previews. Connect enough 30 seconders together and you got yourself an ADD skinflick.

Music-Lots of good tunes these days. Let me list 'em.
10. Bathory- Octagon- None of the synth, just straight ahead rockin. 3 song titles named after mental illnesses.
9.Dvorak- New World Symphony #9 Royal Concertgebouw- The symphony supposedly influenced by American Indian sounds. I don't know about that but sounds Star Warsish.
8.Frank n Dank- I heard this on a BBC radio program. These cats are from Detroit. I first heard Frank Nitty on a Project Born CD out of Flint 13 years ago.
7. Popol Vuh- Like when the Dead go into jam mode, but for the entire CD.
6. Bob Dylan/ Johnny Cash- Nashville Sessions- Nice interplay between the two with Johnny exhorting Bob to "go ahead Bobby". Nice warbling from Dylan.
5. 4hero- BrandNew Heavies but jammier
4. DJ Vadim- Nice mixes with bass-heavy stunted beats.
3. Cheeseburger- Stripped down rock with Misfits styley vocs. Solid.
2. Charles Earland- Homeboy does some way out jazz on "Dynamite Brothers" and some smooth organ work on "Slammin and Jammin".
1.The Essential Northern Soul Story- Various Artists and Desperate Man Blues-Various Artists- Two way tie for first. ENSS sounds like Motown with more instrument focus. DMB (not Dave bro) has a bunch of blues artists like Son House that sound like their vocal chords have been scorched by the devil and sing about it.

Alright get out there and put some leg work in.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Wharf Rat

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

What is a ho, Alex?

I never thought I would hear this on Jeopardy. I think he was right, actually.

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Sunday, March 18, 2007

In November of 1734, a printer named John Peter Zenger was arrested for seditious libel against his Majesty's government. At that time, a law of the Colony of New York forbid any publication without prior government approval. Freedom of the press was not enjoyed by the early colonialists! Zenger, however, defied this censorship and published articles strongly critical of New York colonial rule.

When brought to trial in August of 1735, Zenger admitted publishing the offending articles, but argued that the truth of the facts stated justified their publication. The judge instructed the jury that truth is not justification for libel. Rather, truth makes the libel more vicious, for public unrest is more likely to follow true, rather than false claims of bad governance. And since the defendant had admitted to the "fact" of publication, only a question of "law" remained.
Then, as now, the judge said the "issue of law" was for the court to determine, and he instructed the jury to find the defendant guilty. It took only ten minutes for the jury to disregard the judge's instructions on the law and find Zenger NOT GUILTY.

As recently as 1972, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia said that the jury has an " unreviewable and irreversible power... to acquit in disregard of the instructions on the law given by the trial judge.... (US vs Dougherty, 473 F 2d 1113, 1139 (1972))

Or as this same truth was stated in a earlier decision by the United States Court of Appeals for the District of Maryland: "We recognize, as appellants urge, the undisputed power of the jury to acquit, even if its verdict is contrary to the law as given by the judge, and contrary to the evidence. This is a power that must exist as long as we adhere to the general verdict in criminal cases, for the courts cannot search the minds of the jurors to find the basis upon which they judge. If the jury feels that the law under which the defendant is accused, is unjust, or that exigent circumstances justified the actions of the accused, or for any reason which appeals to their logic of passion, the jury has the power to acquit, and the courts must abide by that decision." (US vs Moylan, 417 F 2d 1002, 1006 (1969)).

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I just got photoshop

In the coming weeks I plan on playing Dr. Frankenstein and grafting baboon heads onto goats butts with the wings of mosquitoes. I just have to figure all the buttons out.


Monday, March 12, 2007

I looked up the top ten college football stadiums in the U.S. and sent them this letter

March 12, 2007

Vending and Retail Management

To Whom It May Concern:

Hello. I am interested in establishing a business at the stadium that would rent barbecue grills to the public for tailgating. 1. What would I be charged for rental space and licensing? This operation would require 1 to several outdoor spaces large enough for a tent and several hundred grills. 2. Is tailgating allowed at the stadium? 3. Is there a picnic area for tailgating?
These are just a few preliminary questions I have that would make sense to confirm before proceeding. I would welcome any suggestions you would have to make this work.

Thank you,

(patent pending beyatch)


Friday, March 09, 2007

Bloggedly blah blah blah

I recommend using the browse blog feature above that lets you view random blogs. On my last search of 5 blogs I found some gems including, a blog apparantly dedicated to proving a jaded ex is actually a stalker, a blog whose lasts five posts were about 1. bills 2. vacuuming 3. online secured shopping 4. being hungry and 5. there being nothing on T.V. And these topics weren't exactly illuminated further than their stated subject matter. And the next 3 were in non-English languages. They appeared to be Spanish, Chinese and Czech (?). In fact about 50% of blogs I search appear to be non-English. Cool. So czech it out, maybe cyberdiarrhea will be one of the random blogs.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

What a dick!

Monday, March 05, 2007

The roofs have wings

Here's how to cut it close when getting you Korean work visa on your next trip to Osaka, Japan.
1. Leave your house that is 30 minutes from the airport 2 1/2 hours before your flight is scheduled to leave.
2. Get on the slowest fucking bus in the world that takes 1 1/2 hours to get to the airport. Mind you I have ridden my bike to the airport in 1 1/2 hours leisurely not knowing where I was going.
3. Get on the shuttle bus to the international terminal.
4. Make sure the shuttle bus does not announce when you have arrived at said international terminal causing you to not get off and instead leave the airport.
5. Wait for a shuttle bus back to the airport that doesn't come.
6. Run 15 minutes back to the airport (add a pinch of cold rain for flavor).
7. Arrive at the check-in counter and be told you have overstayed your visa in Korea.
8. Go to the immigration office in the airport and explain to them that the visa says it expires in mid-March.
9. Be told that you must have misunderstood the visa and be sent back to the check-in counter to get your ticket that you must bring back to immigration.
If you follow all these steps to the letter, you can be guaranteed to miss your flight and have to reschedule.
(Actually, I didn't have to pay any visa overstay fine. I had to pay a ticket reschedule fee and go to Fukuoka instead. The airplane was scheduled to leave at 1:05 and arrive in Fukuoka at 2:20, which barring any delay and getting straight through immigration and customs would hopefully give me just enough time to get to the Korean embassy before they closed at 3:30.)
10. Have your plane be delayed due to some reason for 20 minutes.
11. Be the first one off the plane and run, pausing to stumble while sprinting down the hallway much to the chagrin of 3 Asian middle school girls.
12. See a group of 50 elementary students going to the immigration line in front of you.
13. Zip in front of said group.
14. Try not to appear to be a raving wildman while going through customs.
15. Hop into a taxi and pay $30 for a 15 minute taxi ride.
16. Arrive at the embassy with a scant 20 minutes to spare.
So there you go, no problemo. I wasn't worried a bit. By the way this is a picture of a spaghetti hot dog. Hai!!