Monday, January 30, 2006

Fuck you, I'm on vacation

Finally went bowling. The bowling alley is in the basement of the Hongdae Subway station. Rolling the rock in Korea is a little different than in the ol' U.S. of A. No beer at the bowling alley. Most people were very good. And as with most endeavors I haven't partaken of in a while, for some reason my first time back was pretty good. I don't know if it's not overthinking it or what but I gritted out a 173 my first game- 138 my second- although there were some balls that ended up splits that should have been strikes. Hit some balls at the batting cages also. A very athletic day.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Just sojme good ol boys

While popping in the last of the nails and cleaning up
as guests arrived, managed to get the Chugalay Bar up and
running by showtime. It is a malodious brute, but is a
rallying point I can get behind (and serve up a mean jello shot).
Good time had by all, and the copious amount of beer I spilled
on the floor gave it that authentic bar smell.

Been watching Trailer Park Boys on DVD. That shit is funny.
I like this one part when Bubbles is wrestling as the Green
Bastard and clotheslines this guy and then helps him up and says
"Are you alright?", and then picks him up and bodyslams him and says "Well, actually I don't give a fuck."

Wednesday, January 25, 2006


Yo black, I'm down with the hiba-jiba butter churnin bullshit, but of all the muthafuckers on earth you the muthafuckest. Let's lock legs and swap gravy.
-H.N.I.C.- Head Nigga In Charge *lifted from Charlie Brown's Kwanzaa
Oh, and if you happen to be around Seoul Friday, Jan. 27th, come over to my party. There will be jello shots.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Satan loves ya

As many have invariably heard, I miss the good ol' rock and/ or fuckin' roll. Been listening to my homies "HotBlack Desiato". Soulseek that shit off me- handle: syzdekbr. Let the flames envelop you. Nigerian email scams? Now why don't fucks like that get the death penalty? I can understand killing your old lady after you walk in on her banging Shmitty from your golf foursome. I ain't sayin it's right. But, I understand.

Check out the Top Ten most ridiculous black metal pictures here.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

All the meth got me open like Fallopian tubes

Your place or mine?

...Shit, why's everything spinning?

Grab my axe. I am provider man.

After a hard day of running the point for #14th ranked MSU Spartans I like to sit back in my ManWon drawls and mow these pastry meat things. The first time I tried one I thought it was jelly in there, but it was meat! Fire AND ice!

Just read the man is trying to subpoena Google's search engine records (read: more invasion of privacy). Google, to their credit, is not complying. Some lady warned to watch what you type in their search engine. So I typed "kill government squirrels old ladies". Some interesting results popped up. Apparently there are reports of an epidemic of crack addicted squirrels and a Mexican dude that dresses up like a woman and kills old ladies- almost all of which had a painting called "Boy in RedWaistcoat" by Jean Baptiste-Grueze. In that same source there were reports of ravenous squirrels that killed a dog in Russia. Maybe, that sweet rock is spreading out to the land of the Red Herring.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

The Flash of Red going by you...

"I got a bike. You can ride it if you like. It's got a basket, a bell that rings and things to make it look good. I'd give it to you if I could but I borrowed it...I've got a mouse. I call him Jeremy" -Syd Barrett
That's right folks watch your back when walking on the sidewalks. The B-man is making like Kevin Bacon in Quicksilver and not like Kevin Bacon in JFK when he's a gay southern prisoner. I got me a g-ride. It's fucking cherry red and it kicks ass. It's got shocks and shit. It says "Free Agent" on the frame. That's right place your bids. I'll give you a ride on my handlebars. I can wheeliewalk. Live to ride, ride to live. I didn't know Tim Burton directed Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. What's up with all the color?

Sunday, January 15, 2006


Hola amigos,
I know it's been awhile since I rapped at ya', but the B-man has been: 1. moving from one apartment to another 1 door down- moderately inconvenient as 1. I don't like moving and 2. it was 9:00 a.m. after a raucous night of thouroughly saturating my liver with alcohol- but the land-ejima (? sp.)- Korean for crazy old troll lady, insisted that 9:00 be the time that the move get done. Well, nothing like getting a jump on the day and the new digs are a bit sharper and more conducive to general galavanting about and being that I'm on the second floor now and there is a porch with a nice view of the side of a building 20 feet away; 2. working like a dog- kids are out of school in Korea during the month of January which means their parents need a babysitter for them and why not learn English at the same time which means English school; thus January intensives- a fiendish contrivance designed to skull fuck English down these kids' throats who would rather be enjoying their winter break and playing video games by Brian who would rather be enjoying their winter break and playing video games; 3. making sweet exploratory love to beautiful women at all hours of the day; 4. trying to upload pictures from my phone to cyberdiarrhea- no luck; 5. drinking to get drunk; 6. floating 300 km/h to a faraway coast town where I rode a Viking pirate ship until I almost puked and then dodged explosions on the beach. To explain: me and the crew went down to Busan by bullet train- which does a cool 300 km/h on magnets for real. It was great- nice weather good wholesome fresh air, beautiful scenery, I felt like I was on vacation- which is perfect because I try to live my life like I'm on vacation. At night after polishing down a bucket of chicken and some brews we hit the Viking amusement park ride- one of those ships that swings back and forth. It was a blast for the first minute, but then the sadistic carnie operator keeps it going, back and forth, back and forth, up and down, up and down like getting kicked in the balls, my stomach was up in my throat. Managed not to toss my cookies. Then a nice gentle stroll on the beach while people were launching fireworks all around Apocalypse Now style while they were going up the river looking for Colonel Brando.
The other night I was reminded of the genius of a man who rode the comedic camel straight down the throats of all whiny, spineless, apostate little bitches. A man who made it safe to put hands down pants. A man who sneered at your contempt. May he live on in an endless live studio audience ovation.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Enter the entrance

Feel the barrage of steel fists rain down upon you like a calvacade of jackhammers in a dryer. My chi flows like oil. Do you want to touch my chi? It is okay to want to touch my chi. Manlier men than you have succumbed to the hypnotic spell that lulls like a ship on a gently swaying sea. And then POW!! I hit them with the one-inch punch. It is like Bruce said, "The more relaxed the muscles are, the more energy can flow through the body. Using muscular tensions to try to "do" the punch, or attempting to use brute force to knock someone over, will only work to opposite effect." . Oh man, is my energy flowing like __________________...

The guy should know. Bruce Lee could hit some one from two feet away in .05 seconds. The average human reaction time is .3 seconds. Which means the Brucester could wail on you 6 times before you could even pull you nunchucks out of your holster.

Top of my list in my one-inch punch hand outs will be the musicians of this song. Nevermind that it is weak. Nevermind that the part about saying "if America is so great, why can't we say Fucking USA?" as they say it. But, to say that the USA stole a gold medal from Korea (a reference to that USA gymnast who got awarded a gold medal over a Korean in a scoring error- too many factors to say one way or the other) when in the '88 Olympics Roy Jones Jr. whupped that Korean boxer and the Korean judges gave their boy the gold (the Korean dude couldn't even bring his head up to look at Roy Jones afterwards- it came out later 2 judges were bribed) is some one-inch punch grand prize winner material. 'Nuff said...

Sunday, January 01, 2006

...was my reaction after watching the Waking Life. It could have gotten better at the end, maybe tied it all in but I wouldn't know because I fell asleep. I'm all for taking chances and doing things different and undoubtedly Waking Life is better than some 60's comedy show "redone". But some semblance of plot, character development, action, and sense would have done a lot for WL. Attempting to diffuse this lack of story by addressing it within the movie (Mitch Kramer and some broad spewing about the problems with cohesion in movies) doesn't justify it. A bunch of cranks jabbering their theories about whatever does not a movie make. And sorry people, that's the problem with crackpot theories with no support, there's just not that many sweeping generalizations to make in the world. You just need to live and make movies- with people livin'. That's l-i-v-i-n Linklatter. Crank up some Aerosmith and go play fooseball with Wooderson, now that's a good flick- except for that ridiculous midfield monologue at the end.
I did get in some good T.V. yesterday as the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy was on TV New Years Day. Not a bad replacement for the lack of football in the land of soccer. Yes, I know the end went on forever and their were some similar motivational speeches by little hobbits- get a new expression besides bewilderment Frodo you bitch I'm glad you got your finger bitten off. However, one thing I liked about it (besides the battle scenes- Narnia bow down) was seemingly insignificant items would resurface. At first viewing I thought it was just some weak plot contrivances or lack of imagination, but now I appreciate the subtlety that binds an epic together. There doesn't need to be some huge way everthing works out. Who would have thought Gollum would have played such a significant role in determining the fate of Middle Earth when he was just some ol crusty cave punk in The Hobbit? When they say the fate of Middle Earth rests with 2 little hobbits and then they cut from Frodo and Sam to Merry and Pippin that gets you guessing. Could they have done it without the Ents? Don't fuck with the trees! Maybe one will fall on you. I remember once walking down the street and then without warning this huge oak tree came crashing down 10 feet from me where I had been 4 seconds earlier. Now if only one would fall on Waking Life...