Something's afoot

The full moon was quite bright that night. It looked more like an overcast dusk than the witching hour. The city was busy going on about its own business, unsuspecting of the horror that was just beginning to unfold...

...killer rabbits!

Boy gets toilet seat stuck on his head

When I was a I child I stuck my finger in one of the cooling grates at the chilled section at the local supermarket. I don't know what possessed me to do it. My recollection of my mindset at the time is a bit muddled. It could be nothing more than, "I wonder if my finger will fit in this almost finger sized hole here. They must want me to stick my finger here or else they would not have made these holes so similar in size to my fingers. This is what my parents have been training me for with the put the blocks, pegs, and triangles in their respective holes toy. I must fulfill my destiny!" Or it could have been less thought out and more like hole+finger=stick. The cooling plus repeated tugging to get my finger out probably helped to swell it up, which did little to help it get unstuck. I think the issue was resolved when the store employees brought over some oil from aisle 2 and gave it a good yank. I can empathize.

Jiggamatti

fetusfervor.info for some other separated at mirth twins as well as some hilarious parody songs.

Advertising

I find creative advertising appealing. Not enough to actually buy any of their products. In fact, I don't rely on advertising to buy any products. Some may say that I don't consciously realize that I'm being duped. However, when I'm at the store I buy what I want. I look at the best product for the price, with usually the latter weighing in more heavily in the decision. There are those that say that negative advertising is good because more people notice the product, irrespective of whether it is flattering to the image or not. Actually, all advertisements can do is piss me off. I can't say I've actually not bought a product because of bad ads, but if there is a pushy product promoter at a store I'm walking away from their display. The best are terrible Super Bowl ads where at the end of the commercial you realize they just wasted a million dollars.

led lud

Our band chose a name the other day after much deliberation and beer. The contenders: Moop, The Bedwetters, The Switchblades, The Wahweewahs, The Simplistic Assassins (We can kill any easy song), Commando, The Hairballs, Pus, The Infected Scabs, One Shot, Tequilla We Shot Her, The Cocksucking Motherfuckers, The Mercy Buckets, The LMNOPs, Los Pendejos, Pubic Zirconium, 3 Men and a Lady, Chiquita Banana and her 3 Amigos (the singer is a Bolivian/Korean/Canadian, yellow on the outside, white on the inside), E.T. (English Teachers), The Stone Cold Killaz, Fugly (I know, there is already a band named The Fugs), Dogmeat, DooWapBipimbap (there is a rice vegetable egg dish called Bipimbap), and my personal favorite Wood. But the grand prize winner: Sonica Salt and her Crackers (=Sonic Assault + 3 honkeys). Recognize.

Obfuscation

Who put the pop in my trans? Who put the trans in my pop?

(Only a karaoke room)

False idols

Oh most venerated of leafy vegetables chock full of anitoxidants and vitamin C. Your hardy roots bely your soft wafting leaves. Those coy fans beckon me towards them with promises of colon and rectal cancer prevention. Proud member of the cruciferous family how can we begin to regal the masses with praises of your gastronomical mellifluence?

Revolution No. 9

"Brothers and sisters I want to see a sea of hands out there. Let me see a sea of hands. I want everybody to kick up some noise. I want to hear some revolution out there brothers. I want to hear a little revolution. Brothers and sisters the time has come for each and everyone of you to decide whether you are going to be the problem or whether you are going to be the solution. You must choose brothers, you must choose. It takes 5 seconds, 5 seconds of decision, 5 seconds to realize your purpose here on the planet. It takes 5 seconds to realize that it's time to move. It's time to get down with it. Brothers it's time to testify and I want to know are you ready to testify. I give you a testimonial, the MC5..."

-MC5 manager and White Panther founder John Sinclair's opening remarks on the MC5's Kick Out the Jams

One good urn deserves another

Woman loses battle to turn dead dad into Diamond. Well if she can't figure out what else to do with him maybe she can ask Keith.